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WARNING: Sensitive content. May cause upset.
I had written this story so many times in my head, wondering what to put, how much detail to write... and then, the week of baby loss awareness came and this flooded out. This is my story of our first experience of parenthood. This is when I became a Mummy...
Please, anyone who has been effected by baby loss, don't hesitate to connect with me, my inbox is open 24/7.
I am always so grateful to have had our first little baby. Without the devastating experience, my subsequent children would have had a different life. Their lives are enriched as a result of our missed miscarriage.
It was one of the saddest times of our married life but it made us realise so much!!
I had bought the Moses basket, planned the nursery, the life we were going to have… and then...halfway through my pregnancy our little one fell asleep and stayed inside me resting.
What followed thereafter was a raw realisation we could not resuscitate our baby once I’ve been induced, we could not cuddle a warm baby, we could not bring our baby home...
9 years ago no one really understood how I was feeling, I wasn’t offered support through any services, my friends didn’t quite understand my situation & I didn’t expect them to, but it was hard none the less. My workplace was amazing, as a Community Nurse working within a GP practice they supported me through listening to my story.
I don’t write these words looking for sympathy, if you knew me you’d know I look on the bright side of most situations, trying to find the positives where perhaps there aren’t any on the surface.
I write these words to let anyone going through a loss situation, you have a friend to listen, you are NOT alone.
I write these words to tell you all I am so blessed to have shared my body and my world with our first baby. I will never forget my little one but because of them I am who I am today.
My greatest “what if” yet my biggest thank you too!! 💖